Freaking out

Well tomorrow ( or should I say today?) is Isabella's first day of school. It is 1am, I have to be up at 5am and I just can't sleep.

-I have labeled her bookbag, lunchbox and so on.
-I don't even know what else to do with myself. I feel like I am forgetting something.
-I just got back from Wal-Mart ... horrible. I didn't know people wipe out the shelves because school is starting. You can tell I am new at this school thing. You and you learn.
- Her bookbag has to fit a folder. I had put a notebook and figured it was perfect. I was wrong. Folders are bigger than notebook ughhh!!!! Well I shoved the folder in there anyway LOL.
- I already labeled the bookbag with her name and teachers name so there is no returning that one.
-Being a mom is hard.
- I bought the teacher a lot of the stuff that was on her wish list. She better LOVE my daughter.
- Being a mom is hard.
-I bought apples, carrots, bread, jelly, juices, crackers, cheese... what else can I possibly get?
-Being a mom is hard.

I am pooped. Today has been mentally and physically draining.

Goodnight!

I needed some TLC

I love my kids. A lot. I love my kids a lot.

I am the type of mom who kisses her kids almost all day long. Sometimes I wonder if it annoys them... oh well.. it completes me. My husband and I are contantly showering our kids with love. We tell how cute they are, how silly they are, we kiss them, hug them... it's just PERFECT!!!

As an adult now, I don't consider myself to be too close to my brothers (there are 3 of us, I am the only girl of the bunch). I don't hug my brothers or kiss them hello. It's awkward if it even does ever happen. It doesn't even happen on birthdays... and when it does it's hugs from my younger brother who even has to state "Here is the awkward hug".

I want my kids to be different.
I want my kids to be close an feel support from each other.

I miss my brothers a lot and I wish we would have been brought up to hug each other and tell each other I love you. I never hear that from them and sometimes you just need an I love you from someone that you love. I know you really can't choose how your kids will turn out in adulthood, but I am wishing for the best from them. It's just what moms do.

On another note. I have been having a lot of issues with my thyroid like stated previously. It has been completely difficult. The most difficult part has been the mood swings. So today I went to do my hair. I. CUT. IT. ALL. OFF. Yep! I cut all my hair off. It is to my shoulders. I am a half-way blonde too HAHA! I love it. I wonder what my husband will think of it. He prefers my long hair. I really needed this change though. I finally look a bit older, like a mom. Isa's open house is on Friday so it looks mommy perfect!

I need to buy a memory card for my camera. In the meantime here is a phone picture. Of course Isabella has to make silly faces and look away. Typical child lol.

Complete Chaos! aka Hypothyroidism

Have you ever felt like your life was a total mess? That's how I have been feeling lately. My mind is everywhere. I have so much I feel like I need to get done. Isabella is starting her first year in school (prek3), I am starting my Masters, our closets need to be cleaned out a bit... the list goes on, and on, and on.

Sometimes I feel like it's not my life. It's just my condition. I have hypothyroidism and I believe it has brought on many problems aside from my thyroid levels being out of whack!

1. My mind is a mess. I am totally lost half the time. I ask my husband the same question 50 times. I forget almost everything. His reply is "Really babe? You asked me that like 3 times!"
2. I eat and I eat. I get hungry. I feel like im starving. I eat some more. I wake up at 2am and 4am hungry scavenging for food (like a racoon digging through a garbage can).
3. I get anxiety. Lots of it. Lots of palpitations. It's horrible.
4. Headaches
5. Tired. All of the time. I mean sheesh I am a mom of 3 but take that tiredness and multiply it times a gatrillion and that's how I feel. Borderline dead. At the same time I have insomnia sometimes. My body is confused just as much as I am!
6. Depression. Yep it happens. Sometimes I cry for no reason. Sometimes for a good reason. The point is I cry.
7. Irritability. Yes I get angry. Very angry. For no reason. Or maybe there is a reason but it's a stupid reason.
8. My hair just falls out... A lot. I even think my eyebrows are thinning? Not sure.

It is not easy living with hypothyroidism. I am taking medications but I personally feel that either they are not working or HOLY CRAP THIS SUCKS! I feel like I am slowly dying just to sum things up. I feel like I am losing control of my life and I don't know how to gain control back. I have tried "googling" stuff but I just haven't been able to find anything that would help. My next appointment isn't until October to check out my levels. I feel so crazy to the point that I googled up psychiatrists in my area LOL!!! I really feel like a crazy person!

Anyways. Today has been highly unproductive. We have laid in bed, watched T.V, baked cookies, ordered pizza (Isabella's favorite), I washed dishes, bottles... changed diapers, gave baths LOL... the typical mom list goes on. I just feel so drained half of the time. It really sucks.

Well here is some humour!!