Mentally exhausted

I never knew it was possible to be mentally exhausted. How do you disconnect from the chaor and stop thinking about it? Is it even possible?

I am on break and a million things run through my mind each day: did I forget to pay a bill? Am I going to be able to find the right home? How much can we really afford? Do I want a pool? Grading has to be done when I get back to work. Isabella has to be picked up early today. My husband didn't clean the kitchen as he promised. I need a vacation. I need to go do groceries. I have so much laundry to take care of. Why am I getting my masters? Check my e-mail. Check it again. And again. Check the MLS website for new homes. Is it lunch time? Is it bedtime? Did I do Isabella's homework? I have to go register her for VPK. Is everything set at her school though? Where is my phone? I can't find my phone. Do I really have to go anywhere today? My nails need to be done. My eyebrows too. The kids closet is a mess. I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow... becomes tomorrow again. I have to go see my specialist. I'll make the appointment tomorrow... tomorrow becomes tomorrow as well and it never gets done.

I am mentally drained. I don't know how to deal with all the madness. I have tried planners. 1 planner becomes 2 and then the 2 are forgotten.

I love my kids and I need sanity. I need a vacation but would rather not do one until after the house. I just find myself making difficult choices that are not even difficult. My mind just makes them so.

Spring break has been depressing

What a shitty day. Let's start with the rain... BLAH.
Then Lucas pooped on the carpet fresh out of the shower. FUN! What's worse is that my scream "Lucas!" scared him and he ended up stepping on it (grr).

I am having the carpet cleaners come this week any ways to get my carpet cleaned. 

I left the house early to go pick up Isabella from school and stopped at Target. Ended up spending $175... I was supposed to just go in for bathing suits. I ended up with swimsuits for all 3 kids, cover-ups for the beach, a beach shirt for Lucas, 3 black shirts and a cute yellow necklace.

I literally have no clothes. Thanks to having hypothyroidism, I have put on 20 something lbs. and nothing fits any more.
Target and shopping were the least of my worries today.

HOUSE HUNTING was hell. My head hurts from all the math and trying to figure out my monthly payments. Why is it so hard to find a house?

Today I also felt like shit because I realized how much I miss being home. I don't want to work any more. I just want to be home with my kids. Today was perfect. Julianna slept on me, Lucas slept on me. Just writing this, I feel like crying. Why did I start work in the first place? I still have 3 babies and they need me to be with them. Is it weird that I feel that way? I really don't want to sound like a mom that doesn't want to let go... but really how can you just let go of babies? I don't get it. My way of parenting is very different from my friends. I just want to stay home... if only I could find a cheap house and convince my husband that I need to not work.. .
Oh but of course shopping is fun. But still kids first. Always. But who do I shop for? My kids. Life. The struggle.

All three kids had a doctor's appointment today. Julianna is all set for school, we just have to turn in paperwork tomorrow. Isabella and Lucas both had to get shots and it was not fun. Isabella was screaming like someone was killing her and she was kicking everyone and ended up kicking my poor Juli on the head. Isa got 3 shots. Lucas got 2. Juli just got her iron checked, but she considered it a shot since she got poked and she said "Mommy I didn't cry. I am a big girl" uhhh she melts me!

1. Lucas cuddling me at the doctor's office
2. Juli's #OOTD
3. Juli fresh out the shower
4. Juli posing. I love her boots. She has such cute skinny legs. I'm obsessed with her.
Isa was at school. So no pics of her =[ poopie!