Mentally exhausted

I never knew it was possible to be mentally exhausted. How do you disconnect from the chaor and stop thinking about it? Is it even possible?

I am on break and a million things run through my mind each day: did I forget to pay a bill? Am I going to be able to find the right home? How much can we really afford? Do I want a pool? Grading has to be done when I get back to work. Isabella has to be picked up early today. My husband didn't clean the kitchen as he promised. I need a vacation. I need to go do groceries. I have so much laundry to take care of. Why am I getting my masters? Check my e-mail. Check it again. And again. Check the MLS website for new homes. Is it lunch time? Is it bedtime? Did I do Isabella's homework? I have to go register her for VPK. Is everything set at her school though? Where is my phone? I can't find my phone. Do I really have to go anywhere today? My nails need to be done. My eyebrows too. The kids closet is a mess. I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow... becomes tomorrow again. I have to go see my specialist. I'll make the appointment tomorrow... tomorrow becomes tomorrow as well and it never gets done.

I am mentally drained. I don't know how to deal with all the madness. I have tried planners. 1 planner becomes 2 and then the 2 are forgotten.

I love my kids and I need sanity. I need a vacation but would rather not do one until after the house. I just find myself making difficult choices that are not even difficult. My mind just makes them so.

Spring break has been depressing

What a shitty day. Let's start with the rain... BLAH.
Then Lucas pooped on the carpet fresh out of the shower. FUN! What's worse is that my scream "Lucas!" scared him and he ended up stepping on it (grr).

I am having the carpet cleaners come this week any ways to get my carpet cleaned. 

I left the house early to go pick up Isabella from school and stopped at Target. Ended up spending $175... I was supposed to just go in for bathing suits. I ended up with swimsuits for all 3 kids, cover-ups for the beach, a beach shirt for Lucas, 3 black shirts and a cute yellow necklace.

I literally have no clothes. Thanks to having hypothyroidism, I have put on 20 something lbs. and nothing fits any more.
Target and shopping were the least of my worries today.

HOUSE HUNTING was hell. My head hurts from all the math and trying to figure out my monthly payments. Why is it so hard to find a house?

Today I also felt like shit because I realized how much I miss being home. I don't want to work any more. I just want to be home with my kids. Today was perfect. Julianna slept on me, Lucas slept on me. Just writing this, I feel like crying. Why did I start work in the first place? I still have 3 babies and they need me to be with them. Is it weird that I feel that way? I really don't want to sound like a mom that doesn't want to let go... but really how can you just let go of babies? I don't get it. My way of parenting is very different from my friends. I just want to stay home... if only I could find a cheap house and convince my husband that I need to not work.. .
Oh but of course shopping is fun. But still kids first. Always. But who do I shop for? My kids. Life. The struggle.

All three kids had a doctor's appointment today. Julianna is all set for school, we just have to turn in paperwork tomorrow. Isabella and Lucas both had to get shots and it was not fun. Isabella was screaming like someone was killing her and she was kicking everyone and ended up kicking my poor Juli on the head. Isa got 3 shots. Lucas got 2. Juli just got her iron checked, but she considered it a shot since she got poked and she said "Mommy I didn't cry. I am a big girl" uhhh she melts me!

1. Lucas cuddling me at the doctor's office
2. Juli's #OOTD
3. Juli fresh out the shower
4. Juli posing. I love her boots. She has such cute skinny legs. I'm obsessed with her.
Isa was at school. So no pics of her =[ poopie!

 

Epiphany

I don't know why but recently I had an epiphany.

Well I have finally realized that social media (Instagram, Facebook) is just such a waste of precious time. I really don't know how I came to realize it but I did. You can catch me scrolling through it if I find myself to be extremely bored... every 4 days or so. I hardly ever post any more. Am I getting old? Or what?

I am fascinated with my kids. They are all growing up and life is just getting fun. We can do so many things now. Lucas is still small (he's only 1.4) but the fact that he can walk and he's exploring the world means my arm is not in terrible pain because it feels like it is about fall off. I can sit back now and watch my kids laugh and play... and I just find myself taking it all in. No more taking pictures to upload them to instagram. Why? No one gives a s*** anyways.
 Seriously. No one does.

For the past 3 years I have been trying to catch up with getting pictures printed and put into albums but something always comes up and it just never gets done. I have a huge phobia of losing track of all the pictures and losing them and then I will have no memories of my kids being tiny. It is really a scary thought.

Next week, the girls have "videotaping week" at the dance studio. They have a recital coming up in June and this is the time for moms to come in an videotape so we can practice at home. I suddenly realized... I don't have a video camera. Does that make a difference any more? Is recording with a video camera the same as recording with your regular camera? Life is hard.

Maybe I can figure out how to throw a clip of their dance moves on here. In the meantime, I need to figure out what type of camcorder I can get my hands on.

Happy Sunday!

Happy 2015

11 days later and well...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

We started off the year kind of rough. Isabella got the flu, then I ended up getting it. Luckily no one else got it. The little ones do have a cold though. Seems like we will never be cooties free.

So far I have learned that having 3 kids and having the FLU is probably the craziest thing that can happen. Staying away from the kids is nearly impossible. Having the kids stay away from each other is worse. Thank God for those face masks I stole from the hospital (I asked for them).

Next weekend is Martin Luther King weekend. Which means no work or school for Isa. I am trying to plan a staycation at a Disney hotel but it seems like they are booked. At least the one I want to stay at is booked. The Animal Kingdom Lodge I heard is ah-mazing!!! The stay looks like it goes from 350 and up at this point a night. I really want to try it out but it is so pricey! I am still shopping around for a room. Who knows.

I just want to get out as a family and do something. It is hard deciding where to go. My husband wants to go to St. Augustine but we went there when Isa was 4 months old and I mean we pretty much did everything in one day. There is really not much fun stuff to do. It is more of a sight-seeing trip.

I'll leave this one with a picture of my girls. The baby was sleeping. Happy Sunday!